he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
