I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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