well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize