ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize