its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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