just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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