Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize