allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
