why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
