I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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