Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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