U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize