two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize