omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize