u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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