U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
