i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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