My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sext me about skeletons
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
