we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
