Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize