i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
