its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
