My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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