it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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