I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
