Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
