I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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