Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
