We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
