The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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