Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
