Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
