is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
