At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
