Umm I'm too high to move.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
