SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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