i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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