it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
