I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
