Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
