I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
