But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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