Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
