none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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