that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
