ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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