They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
