Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
and you fell through a lawn chair
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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