I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
