I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
