I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
