Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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