Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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