i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
