just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
