So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize