she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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