If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
