i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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