Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
