I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
