He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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