how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize