My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
