my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
