I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
