for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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