He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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