yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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