you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
