What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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