they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
