i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
