found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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